The ABC’s To Get Degrees (Part 1)

Seeing that I have now been in college for a total of two and a half years, obviously I am the most intelligent twenty year old Iowa has ever seen. While choosing my adventure at Iowa State I have learned many things about myself and others here at this below average educational institution. However, out of all of the things that I have learned here at Iowa State, one thing stands out more than anything.

 

The alphabet.

this could be us but you’re playing.

A, B, C, and good ol’ D are just a few of the fantastic letters found in the English language as I have been told in college. Now, unlike the classic alphabet that I learned to love via song in preschool, the college alphabet is a bit different. Each of the twenty-six letters hold a different lesson that I have learned, now I will be sharing my knowledge with you all:

*disclaimer* When I started writing this post I thought that I would be able to analyze all of the letters of the alphabet in one post. I was wrong. I have a short attention span. You have a short attention spam. So I am splitting up these posts four letters at a time.

A – Acceptable Alcoholism: Unlike that Uncle or Aunt that was always drunk at family events that ultimately scared you for life when they started making out on top of the turkey or that time in high school you thought it was a good idea to mix a little bit of everything in your parents liquor cabinet until you started puking your guts out in your best friends toilet, alcohol was always an interesting, sort of taboo substance for me up until college. Once I got to college, everyone was drinking. In fact, I’ve noticed that it is more common to be intoxicated than it is to be sober; it’s even celebrated. Parties during weeknights, using alcohol as a way to express yourself, and bar specials during the week are some of the most common social interactions you experience in college. However, once you graduate it’s no longer a joke to say “LOL WOW I’M SUCH AN ALCOHOLIC LOL LOOK AT ME GOooOooOooO CHUG CHUG” it’s just sad and next thing you know you’re making out with someone on a turkey at your family’s Thanksgiving feast. Oh Aunty Poof you’re such a mess.

 

*disclaimer* If you are in college and don’t like alcohol and don’t like being drunk good for you. Honestly you probably will succeed in life a lot more than the rest of us.

 

B – Boners: Now ladies and gentlemen, boners are a very high form of praise and in a way they are also kind of funny. A word of advice, don’t laugh at a boner. Rumor has it the male will get insecure and the boner will go away and it will be a little awkward.

 

Or so I’ve heard.

 

C – Crying: My very first day at Iowa State two and a half years ago, I saw three separate people on campus crying. It wasn’t just tears either, they were having full on Britney Spears circa (more like circus amiright?) (cause she sings a song called circus…?) (get it….?) (i’m not funny why are you even reading this blog at all you must be really bored) 2007 meltdown. I remember thinking how odd that was. I hated crying at the time. I didn’t get it.

 

Two and a half years later, I understand them more than anyone. I don’t think there has been a week in the past year that I haven’t cried about something, mostly just because of all of the pent up feelings and repressed memories I’ve had for the majority of my life on top of all the stress that comes with college and living in your early twenties. In a way it’s kinda like puberty round two. I remember once over the summer I cried because I couldn’t eat a chicken strip.

 

A chicken strip.

 

I cried because of a chicken strip.

 

College.

 

D – Debt: An in state student? An out of state student? Scholarships? Loans? These are things that I thought would make a difference in the amount of money I would have to spend as a student. At the end of the day though, it really doesn’t matter. I don’t think I have met a single student at Iowa State paying for their own education who will not be graduating with some sort of debt. Let’s just say I’ve had about 1924723905239 rants about this since I even applied to college so I will save you all the five paragraph essay that my college education has taught me how to formulate for only 9,600 dollars a semester.

 

Obviously I’m not bitter.
No not at all.

Now you know your college A, B, C’s, next time won’t you cry with me.

5 Things I Learned At College Orientation

I’m pretty sure I have been looking forward to college since my mom showed me the “adorable” pair of overalls that would “go great” with my lavender t-shirt on the first day of…kindergarten. I had heard sweet nothings about college since I was born and let me tell you, it sounded great. All new friends, you get to pick what you learn, and I would never have to wear overalls again.

 

I have a deep hatred for overalls. Just putting it out there.

 

Well anyway, thirteen years later it was finally here: My college orientation. Going into it I really didn’t know what to expect. I mean, I knew I’d learn what classes I was going to have in the fall but other than that I really knew nothing.

 

But that soon changed. In between all of the generic lectures ranging from financial aid to how evil and immoral under age alcohol consumption is in college, I actually got to talk to a real student at Iowa State. She was a sophomore who had grown up in Iowa, and she had seen a lot of people last year bringing shame to being a freshman. Here I have our little chat summed up into five simple points:

teen spirit? no it smells like college freshman.

5. Figure out where your classes are before the first day of class.

 

“Honey it’s not cool to be late to class anymore, in fact it’s really annoying” she said while shaking her head. She went on to say how there was this girl that showed up 30 minutes late to class on the first day of her economics class because she was lost. She swears that for the rest of the semester the professor held a grudge against her.

 

4. Wear comfortable shoes.

 

Apparently you can tell if a college student is a freshman if they wear really uncomfortable looking shoes. I mean I understand this one. You’re going to class, not a hot date. You don’t need to break out your best pair of heels only to walk halfway across a college campus to sit in a lecture hall for an hour and then walk back to your dorm. While you walk back to your dorm, silent tears will roll down your face as you literally lose any sort of feeling in your feet. People who will obviously be walking faster than you will look at you will disdain because you are just another foolish freshman just trying to hard.

 

Okay that might be an over exaggeration but anything can happen.

 

3. Join things, but not everything.

 

Joining clubs and activities in college is a great idea. Really! However, don’t be the kid that joins every. single. club. Sure it helps you network, and the clubs are fun, but you don’t have as much time as your schedule makes you think. Soon all of the clubs and school work will overwhelm you and you will experience what might be the first of many existential crises.

 

2. Don’t use a map.

 

This is the most obvious way to show that you don’t know what you are doing. And apparently in college, if you don’t know what you’re doing, you are automatically a freshman. The student I was talking to could not stress finding your classes prior to the start of classes enough.

 

1. BE YOURSEEEELLLFFFFFF.

 

I would hope by this point in our lives, this would be implied. But no, of course it isn’t. New college students feel like this new found freedom is a time to redefine who they are. And there is nothing wrong with redefining who you are, as long as you are happy and stay true to yourself. However, most freshman’s definitions of redefining themselves differ. Especially if they are going to college where they know next to no one. I understand that everyone wants to make friends, but I feel like we should be mature enough to make friends at this point in our lives not because we think someone “looks cool” but rather that you think they are cool!

 

But in the end, I really don’t care if people think I’m a freshman in the fall because, well I am a freshman.

 

But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to follow these tips.

 

#poofproblems

-Poof