Seeing that I have now been in college for a total of two and a half years, obviously I am the most intelligent twenty year old Iowa has ever seen. While choosing my adventure at Iowa State I have learned many things about myself and others here at this below average educational institution. However, out of all of the things that I have learned here at Iowa State, one thing stands out more than anything.
The alphabet.
this could be us but you’re playing.
A, B, C, and good ol’ D are just a few of the fantastic letters found in the English language as I have been told in college. Now, unlike the classic alphabet that I learned to love via song in preschool, the college alphabet is a bit different. Each of the twenty-six letters hold a different lesson that I have learned, now I will be sharing my knowledge with you all:
*disclaimer* When I started writing this post I thought that I would be able to analyze all of the letters of the alphabet in one post. I was wrong. I have a short attention span. You have a short attention spam. So I am splitting up these posts four letters at a time.
A – Acceptable Alcoholism: Unlike that Uncle or Aunt that was always drunk at family events that ultimately scared you for life when they started making out on top of the turkey or that time in high school you thought it was a good idea to mix a little bit of everything in your parents liquor cabinet until you started puking your guts out in your best friends toilet, alcohol was always an interesting, sort of taboo substance for me up until college. Once I got to college, everyone was drinking. In fact, I’ve noticed that it is more common to be intoxicated than it is to be sober; it’s even celebrated. Parties during weeknights, using alcohol as a way to express yourself, and bar specials during the week are some of the most common social interactions you experience in college. However, once you graduate it’s no longer a joke to say “LOL WOW I’M SUCH AN ALCOHOLIC LOL LOOK AT ME GOooOooOooO CHUG CHUG” it’s just sad and next thing you know you’re making out with someone on a turkey at your family’s Thanksgiving feast. Oh Aunty Poof you’re such a mess.
*disclaimer* If you are in college and don’t like alcohol and don’t like being drunk good for you. Honestly you probably will succeed in life a lot more than the rest of us.
B – Boners: Now ladies and gentlemen, boners are a very high form of praise and in a way they are also kind of funny. A word of advice, don’t laugh at a boner. Rumor has it the male will get insecure and the boner will go away and it will be a little awkward.
Or so I’ve heard.
C – Crying: My very first day at Iowa State two and a half years ago, I saw three separate people on campus crying. It wasn’t just tears either, they were having full on Britney Spears circa (more like circus amiright?) (cause she sings a song called circus…?) (get it….?) (i’m not funny why are you even reading this blog at all you must be really bored) 2007 meltdown. I remember thinking how odd that was. I hated crying at the time. I didn’t get it.
Two and a half years later, I understand them more than anyone. I don’t think there has been a week in the past year that I haven’t cried about something, mostly just because of all of the pent up feelings and repressed memories I’ve had for the majority of my life on top of all the stress that comes with college and living in your early twenties. In a way it’s kinda like puberty round two. I remember once over the summer I cried because I couldn’t eat a chicken strip.
A chicken strip.
I cried because of a chicken strip.
College.
D – Debt: An in state student? An out of state student? Scholarships? Loans? These are things that I thought would make a difference in the amount of money I would have to spend as a student. At the end of the day though, it really doesn’t matter. I don’t think I have met a single student at Iowa State paying for their own education who will not be graduating with some sort of debt. Let’s just say I’ve had about 1924723905239 rants about this since I even applied to college so I will save you all the five paragraph essay that my college education has taught me how to formulate for only 9,600 dollars a semester.
Obviously I’m not bitter.
No not at all.
Now you know your college A, B, C’s, next time won’t you cry with me.
HeyPoofy 